I have been carrying around the papers for the stakeholder engagement and change management Chicago for almost a week. I did not get a chance to go through them or to give them to my ex. Even if I would have read them, that would have not changed anything. I was in no position to do anything about it. Not my area of expertise.
Anyway, when I finally decided to give him a call and set up an appointment, my oldest son got sick. That meant I could not pass by my ex’s office and hand him the application papers. Since the deadline was approaching and he needed to have them, I asked him to pass by the house. I would have preferred to go to his office and keep everything strictly professional. A simple courteous smile and nothing more.
Now, he was on his way to my place, he was going to see that I was a mess and I was not doing as great as I would have liked to do. As much as I would have wanted to changed things, it was impossible. I could not hide the fact that I was exhausted. That raising to kids on my own was tough.
I guess that what I wanted to avoid was to give him the impression I could have been better with him. I know it’s only my pride that had to suffer, but still it did not make me feel well. I always wished to show him that I did not need him for anything. I did not need his tainted love, nor his pity. I was better off. Independence comes with a price. I agreed to pay mine.
Instead of inviting him in, I decided to wait for him downstairs, in the hallway of the building. I had asked him to send me a text when he was close to my street. Thus, I grabbed the file with the papers and headed downstairs. Though not before, putting some makeup on my face, in order to hide the lack of sleep and the signs of aging.
When he got there, I was surprised to see that he was not alone. There was a woman in the passenger's seat. A woman who was probably half my age. Seeing her, it reminded me of myself at her age. There was a sort of resemblance between us. I guess he had noted that as well. I handed him the file and went back inside right away.